a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
