Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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