she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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