If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
