the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
