After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
