Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
