After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
