She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
