matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
