it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
