his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
