He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
