all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize