if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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