Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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