What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
