Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
