so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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