I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
