Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
