the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
