Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize