he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
