I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
