I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
