Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I could fuck to npr.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
