i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
