Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
