I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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