After last night, I could never be a politician.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize