You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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