So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
