Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
