he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
