Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
