i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
