you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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