He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
