Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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