i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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