this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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