Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
