I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
