so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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