How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
