Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
