was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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