Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
