why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
