Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
