watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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