She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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