I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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