Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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