And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize