You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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