Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
