I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
