She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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