My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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