Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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