Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
