I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
