she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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