My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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