I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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