yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
