Plan B is the new Plan A
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
