Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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